World Tourism Day

A porthole on a ship isn’t just a window. It’s a window to adventure.

You may never have heard of it, but September 27 is celebrated around the world as World Tourism Day. It’s a day to remember how much we love to travel whether in our own country or across the seas. Pirates know a little about travelling. They were especially fond of touring the Caribbean. Come to think of it, so are millions of people who travel there on cruise ships every year. Maybe they’re pirates and don’t even know it.

Mankind seems to have an insatiable hunger for travel ever since Adam and Eve got evicted from the Garden of Eden though I don’t think Eve said to Adam, I can’t go anywhere this vacation. I don’t have a thing to wear.

I know very few people who don’t like to travel and visit new places or locales they have only read about. It seems to be in our blood. Ray Bradbury seemed to express it best when he said, “Half the fun of travel is the aesthetic of lostness.” I think he meant most tourists like the feeling of adventure and the excitement that comes with being in a new place for the first time.

There are exceptions to that. I’ve seen people on cruise ships who disembark and don’t go much farther than a jewelry store in port so they can brag to their friends back home what a bargain they got on a trinket. Others get no farther than the nearest bar or a chain restaurant just like they visit back home. I feel sorry for them. They’re missing the whole point of travel.

Here’s a few facts about travelling I thought might interest you. Florida is the most popular vacation spot in the United States. Worldwide, 57 percent of people go to the beach. Seventy-eight percent of Americans travel for adventure and fun. They must be pirates. I wonder if they feel that way when they’re plotting their getaway. I sure hope so. Some of the things that tourists do are shop, go to a beach, lake, or pool, visit historic sites, and take tours. From personal experience, I’d have to add pirating to that list. Arrrgggh!

Before the pandemic, 30 million people around the globe went on cruises. Of those, 5.8 million were Americans. In 2018, over 11 million passengers pillaged and plundered their way through the Caribbean. When the pandemic hit, the cruise industry was hurt really bad. It’s tough to feel sorry for an industry that charges nine dollars for an alcoholic beverage on one of their ships after paying thousands of dollars to board. If pirates were boarding one, they would expect to get all the alcohol they wanted for free. And then they would proceed to help themselves to anything that wasn’t nailed down.

I will tell you who I do feel really sorry for though. All the folks in the Caribbean whose livelihood depends on those cruise ships sailing into port. When they don’t show up, thousands of people from dock workers to cabbies to men and women who have a little booth near the dock can’t feed their families. That’s why I seriously urge you to be extra generous with your money when you do return to the islands in the sun. Spread a little of that green stuff around. You have no idea how far-reaching that simple act of kindness goes.

Did you know that some folks in Venice, Italy and elsewhere complain they don’t want any more cruise ships in their neighborhood because their town gets too congested. Yep, you heard that right. The natives in the Caribbean are praying for the ships to come back, but some folks elsewhere want them gone. The cruise industry politely points out that those very cities that bellyache are making a ton of cash when a cruise ship docks. There are fees to be paid to dock, to have the ship serviced, and to buy supplies, On top of that, a ship provides thousands of job for locals. And that’s not to mention the money passengers spend in port.

Apparently, their motto is: “Yankee go home (or wherever the ship is from) but leave your dollars, dinero, francs and pounds here.”

Andrew Graft wrote a fascinating piece about tourism in his blog Travel and Tourism Statistics. It’s more than worth your while to stop by and visit him at https://blog.accessdevelopment.com/tourism-and-travel-statistics-the-ultimate-collection

I got a brochure from a cruise company the other day. They want me to travel to Alaska. That’ll never happen. I don’t want to see any ice on my vacation except in my rum and coke. But if someone sends me a flyer that reminds me just how seductive the islands of Grenada and St. Lucia are, well, you’re going to have to tie me to the mast like Odysseus’ men did to him to keep me from sailing away.

How about you? What place gives you a feeling of lostness, as Ray Bradbury said? I’d like to hear from you whether you live Down Under or around the corner. Meanwhile, I’m going to check to see if my passport’s expired. Hey, you never know. This pandemic can’t last forever.

                                                 Bill Hegerich

                                                  The Uncommon Mariner

 

Remembering Magellan

Today we recall Ferdinand Magellan, the first man to navigate around the world. On Sept. 20, 1519, Magellan set sail from Spain looking for a western route to the Spice Islands with five ships and five supply vessels. Today they’re called the Moluccas and found in eastern Indonesia.

The GPS, Magellan, was named after him because of that feat. Why wouldn’t you name a device like that after someone performing such an accomplishment? After all, you can use a GPS to go anywhere in the world. And as a bonus, wives no longer have to nag their husbands when they get lost. Just follow the directions on the GPS.

There’s just one problem with all this, however. Magellan never made it around the world. He got over half way there then ran into a bit of bad luck. He died. How? I’m glad you asked. He got attacked by natives on an island somewhere around the Philippines. Evidently, Magellan got involved in the local politics of the natives, then took exception when they helped themselves to a long boat of his. And the natives got tired of him coming into their living room, teaching them about a religion they had no interest in, and, well… they had enough. Before you could say, “Get out of here,” Magellan was dead from a poison arrow.

Who could blame the natives? When Columbus set foot in the Bahamas in 1492, things were never the same. Everywhere Columbus went, he brought disease and death. And if that wasn’t enough, he enslaved thousands. It’s true the natives in the Pacific never heard of Columbus and what he and his men did. They just knew by instinct that a ship full of foreigners meant trouble.

So, what became of Magellan’s expedition after his death? Survivors continued the voyage under Juan Sebastian de Elcano and returned home Sept. 6, 1522, having traveled a distance of 37,000 miles. Out of 270 mariners, only 31 made it.

So why didn’t the history books tell us the whole truth years ago? I don’t know. I have my suspicions, and it has to do with the marketing strategies of Madison Ave., those moguls who cleverly try to sell us stuff by trickery, like using talking camels and geckos and emus to entice us to buy car insurance. Can you imagine naming a GPS, Elcano? I doubt you’d sell very many compared to one called Magellan.

The ironic thing about all this is that Elcano was involved in a mutiny when Magellan’s ships were off the coast of South America. Magellan had several mutineers executed and would have executed several more including Elcano, but he needed their expertise to help sail the ships.

So, if you’ve ever used a GPS or Google Maps, say a little prayer for Magellan today, and say one for Elcano too and all the mariners who still call the sea their home.

Smooth sailing out there, and learn a lesson from Magellan. Be nice to all the people you meet. Not only might it save your life, but it’s the right thing to do. My mom and dad taught me that when I was four. I bet the world would be a happier place if more people remembered that.

                                                Bill Hegerich

                                                The Uncommon Mariner

 

 

Why Can’t Frogs Rule the World?

A lot has been written about the miraculous creatures of the deep. Humpback whales, great white sharks, dolphins, leatherback turtles, even mermaids. But you don’t hear a whole lot about frogs. So I’d like you to think about how miraculous these creatures are.

They appear in all kinds of cultures and have come to represent an amazing array of things, almost all of them good. Take for example the Greeks and Romans. They saw frogs as symbols of fertility, harmony and lewd behavior. A good psychiatrist would probably tell you that’s because so many of them had a dirty mind and thought frogs did too.

But frogs in various cultures were also seen as symbols of good luck, wisdom, and potential. In China, the frog is a magician, but he’s also smart and knows the secrets to many profound questions like the meaning of life and the secret to happiness. Some people I meet only want to know what time the liquor store closes or who’s going to win America’s Got Talent.

Frogs are a lot smarter than most pirates in that respect. After all that plundering and wenching, pirates still weren’t satisfied. Come to think of it, that sounds like a lot of people I read about. Mind you, I don’t know anyone personally who would act that way. Well, maybe one or two. But I guess that’s just the pirate coming out in them.

I see frogs hopping around here all the time. They can squeeze into the smallest of places. I occasionally see one when I move a flower pot in my garden. I wonder if I startle him as much as he startles me. One leaped on me one time and landed on my leg. When he realized his mistake, he jumped off. His skin felt like a cross between a wet rubber glove and slimy Silly Putty.

I heard of some cultures placing coins of frogs in their pockets to prevent loss of money. I don’t know if that actually works. At least, they’re not using live frogs. But, you know, I’m not averse to trying that, so if anyone of you has an extra frog coin, I wouldn’t mind giving it a try.

I’m going out back and look for a frog or two in my garden. I hope he puts some money in my pocket tonight. Before I go, I just want to leave you with this limerick I wrote about a pirate frog. You, in turn, can do something for me. If, by chance, you meet some frog who tells you the secret to a long life, let me know. Any pirate worth his rum knows it never hurts to have a little edge.

There once was a pirate named Froggy

With knees a bit gnarly and knobby.

But he had a strong clout

That could knock a foe out,

Even when feeling quite groggy.

                                    Bill Hegerich

                                    The Uncommon Mariner

 

 

 

 

Here’s to All the Pirates That Have to Work on Labor Day!

There’s no record of pirates celebrating Labor Day. After scraping a ship’s hull of mussels, sea weed and other debris, a job called careening, they pretty much did what they wanted till it was time to engage in battle. That meant a lot of drinking and gambling, and if in port, a little bit of wenching too. Okay, maybe a lot.

Except for the musicians. These fellows hardly ever got a day off. Now I can hear you howling already. “I’d love to work on a pirate ship as a musician. That’s the perfect job. The kind that comes along once every thousand years!”  Some of you are probably even saying, “I can’t imagine anyone complaining about playing 24/7 for the Grateful Dead or Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer band.”

Like all things, it’s not quite that simple. Musicians on pirate ships were supposed to play martial music in battle to encourage the men to fight harder. Can you imagine blowing on a trumpet or playing the drums with cannon balls whizzing by your head? And when there was no battle, musicians had to be available to play tunes for the crew while they were relaxing with a rum in one hand and a pair of dice in the other. How fair was that?

Evidently, things got so bad that musicians demanded a day off. Pirate Bartholomew Roberts wrote such a law into his Articles for Pirates which everyone signed when joining the Royal Fortune. “The musicians shall rest on the Sabbath Day only by right. On all other days by favour only.”

If you think being a musician on call seven days a week isn’t extreme, consider this. What if Jimmy Buffet and the Coral Reefer Band were forced to play Parrothead songs seven days a week and not get paid for it?

So if you’re one of those who have to work this Labor Day, I salute you. Thanks for being there whether you’re waiting tables or manning a cash register. Maybe in the next life you can be a musician on a pirate ship. Or better yet touring with Jimmy Buffett playing A Pirate Looks at Forty. 

And for those who refuse to work because you’re living off a stimulus check meant to help pay the bills during hard times, shame on you! You need to follow the example of millions of hardworking Americans who know what an honest day’s work is. And if you don’t know what that kind of hero looks like, check their faces the next time you walk into a store to buy something or order a meal at a restaurant. They’re real American heroes.

Labor Day honors the hardworking Americans of this country and lasts just one day of the year. After that, it’s back to work where some people still take pride in doing an honest day’s work for an honest day’s dollar.

                       Bill Hegerich

                       The Uncommon Mariner

Do You have Your Own Pirate Haven?

Everybody needs a place to get away. A haven you can retreat to and let the stress of life melt away. Pirates had theirs. First it was Port Royal, Jamaica where they literally went nuts. That was good till the British Navy moved in. An earthquake in 1692 did the rest. They moved on to Nassau on New Providence in the Bahamas It became such a favorite hangout that it grew into a Pirate Republic.

Pirates even had a retreat off the coast of South Africa on St. Mary’s Island as well as Madagascar. It wasn’t as wild as Port Royal or New Providence, and it didn’t have fancy accommodations like the Hotel Hilton, but the pirates weren’t complaining. In fact, many fantasized that it must have been what heaven was like.

This Bahama shack may be only feet from my back door, but it instantly transports me a thousand miles away to Paradise.

Some folks travel to Key West or the Caribbean to get away. I can relate to that. There’s nothing like walking the back streets of Key West or a little town in the Caribbean to feel like you’ve come home. But no matter how enjoyable an escape like that is, everyone needs a place closer to home. For me, it’s my Key West Garden. It consists of a quiet corner behind my house with a picturesque shack that looks like I stole it from some beach in St. Lucia.

Adorning the garden are tropical plants which include elephant ears, caladiums, palms, and ginger plants that tower over my head. The ginger plants are one of my wife’s favorites. To be sure I’m not disturbed, two pirate skeletons guard one of the entrances.

Every pirate haven needs a little protection. Bonz and Captain Jack do a fantastic job and truly enjoy being there.

Monks have gardens inside their monastery walls. Emily Dickinson, the recluse poet of New England, had hers as did thousands of kings and paupers through the ages. The Roman poet Cicero was right when he said, “If you have a garden and a library, you have everything you need.” But a haven doesn’t have to be a garden at all. That’s what mancaves are for.

As for me, I have my Key West Garden where I go when I want to get away from it all without needing a passport. I also go there to meditate and pray, not that I’m some kind of holy-roller guy. I believe it was George Bernard Shaw who accurately observed, “The best place to seek God is in a garden.”

I also go to my Key West Garden to write, contemplate the chapter of a book, or some other project  I’m working on. Where do you think I conceived the idea for this blog? Sometimes I go there just to be still. Having a good cigar in my hand sometimes helps the process, but don’t tell my doctor I said that.

This is the inside of the door to my Bahama shack. I think it says a lot about the healing power my garden has.

If you offered me ten thousand dollars to give up my Key West Garden, I’d never do it. It has become part of who I am. Or perhaps more correctly, I should say it helps me be who I am.

How about you? Do you have a haven you can escape to? It doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It can be a swing or a bench hidden in the recesses of your garden. In fact, it doesn’t even have to be outside at all. It can be a favorite chair, a view from a window, or a cubby hole tucked away from the mayhem and madness of everyday life.

If you have a haven, why don’t you sail on over to it sometime today. If you don’t, then don’t you think it’s time to slip into the harbor of your mind and begin cobbling something together?

Meanwhile, I’m going to sail on over to my Key West Garden and see if my two friends are thirsty. They’re pirates, so why shouldn’t they be. Besides, they always have great stories to whisper to me.

                                        Bill Hegerich

                                       The Uncommon Mariner